He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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