we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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