Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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