i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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