it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
