i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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