beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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