If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We have started to decorate penises.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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