Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
