There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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