I could have mohawked her pubes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
