peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
sex in a hospital.. check
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
