guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
...so i touched it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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