I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
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I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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