The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
