Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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