Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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