Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
