My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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