We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
