I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
