there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
