she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
