worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
