You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
