scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
