I'll bet she douches with gravy.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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