Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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