yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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