It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
