hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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