Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
