I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize