I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
