You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am midnight drunk by noon
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
