dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
