I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
