after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
