I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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