haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just high enough for therapy.
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As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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