so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
