If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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