If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
either way he was missing a nipple.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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