That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
