tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
