ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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