Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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