I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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