i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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