Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
