is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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