Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
