i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
