Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
