GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
we're so committed to being not committed
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