I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
