you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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