3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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