my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
