i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
