Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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