at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
