I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
bring money and cleavage
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
