I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just google imaged poop.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
