Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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