you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
