I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if you like me you must not know who I am
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
