this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
