I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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