i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
