So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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