Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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