Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize